Depression for me wasn’t just about the sad moods; it was more about the numbness, the state of oblivion, feeling the need to walk away from everything that mattered around me. “What if I could just go away and leave it all behind?” says my thoughts every single day, don’t get me wrong, this thought wasn’t suicidal; I just wanted to stay away from everything and everyone and just stop existing. This really wasn’t the first time I had experienced it, it’s very seasonal and I just get better, but this time was completely different as everything I cared about didn’t even matter anymore. I would smile and laugh on the outside but deep inside I was lost, I had a lot of people around me and still felt like I was alone. At first, I was going through my normal daily activities, trying to avoid people asking if something was wrong and gradually, I couldn’t anymore, I stopped working/taking jobs, talking to God became hard. I would just sleep all day, rather than sleep at night, all I would do was just cry and cry until I fell asleep. It was the same circle every day, I wasn’t talking to anyone and I wasn’t doing anything about it. I think it’s easy to see depression as a product of the bad things happening to you, but mine wasn’t, it has never been, it just always happens and I’m never able to figure out why. I was gradually withdrawing from people and things that made me happy, everyone especially my mum would always ask me if something was wrong and I was always so fast at saying “nothing”. This kept on happening and I could see it in my mum’s face that she was worried and confused on what to do, she tried her best but to no avail. I went through the same circle every day for weeks, then months (3), I was seriously losing weight and it was just getting worse. As the months were passing by, I was feeling the need to talk to someone but i couldn’t decide who because I was ashamed.